1. |
I Cured My Brain
02:35
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1) I Cured My Brain
I'm not gonna try too hard,
I'm just gonna cure my brain,
Dispel the mystery,
I've been there I've done that and I,
Fucked it up all the same,
It's just a blip to me.
Woo, I cured my brain.
You grow up like a russian doll,
But the bigger you are the harder you fall,
And we all fall,
Think you gotta back bone,
And they fold you up like a make-shift futon,
Get over it.
Woo, I cured my brain.
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2. |
I Am The Daddy
03:35
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2) I Am The Daddy
You and me we're just a hill of beans,
You get a hundred characters to tell me something,
I spend all my days number crunching,
I am a zombie with a spreadsheet for all my sins,
I can get you from A to B,
I'm on first name terms with my GP,
I got metaphysical fruit on my shopping list,
C'mon they don't exist.
I am the daddy let me tell you 'bout it,
We're talking vape-stick flavours round the compost bin,
I'll get a mani-pedi on my way to have the snip,
And I don't moan about it,
Cos you better do your bit.
I got webinars coming out of my arse,
Subsidised recognised qualified bona-fide,
Don't get shafted just take me up the pay scale,
I am a warrior armed with an email,
Hey baby I'm first aid trained,
I like to keep my hi-vis vest on if it's all the same,
I'm under pressure,
To make pleasure,
I got a bag for life cos I'm so clever.
The answer my friend,
Is blowing in the solar wind,
The answer my friend,
Sounds like distortion.
I am the daddy let me tell you 'bout it,
We're talking vape-stick flavours round the compost bin,
I'll get a mani-pedi on my way to have the snip,
And I don't moan about it,
Cos you better do your bit.
I am the daddy
I am the daddy.
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3. |
Egos With Genitals
03:23
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3) Egos With Genitals
We can't talk,
Cos we're all,
Busy People,
Egos with genitals.
Speak to me,
Online community,
Give me a character assassination please.
I was stressed,
So you said,
Take a five minute holiday in your head,
But when I came back,
I was at my desk,
I think I'll find a deal online next time instead.
I will lay,
In my grave,
With my curriculum vitae,
So go get a happy meal,
And some magazines,
Kill your self-esteem,
Tell me how you feel…disgusting.
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4. |
Sir Yes Sir
03:24
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4) Sir Yes Sir
Eatin' sleepin' shittin' fuckin',
And it all turns into nothing,
Time to buy a caravan and,
Stick it to the man,
If you're waitin' for some help at the self-checkout,
Then make a claim,
Shake your fist,
Blame it on the terrorists.
I'm putting baubles on the tree,
And I'm trying to believe,
But the boy who made my t-shirt washes in The Yangtze,
I found redemption in all this fruit and veg,
And now I'm saved, from myself.
I might be a chicken but I'm,
Not an animal,
Don't put my body on the line cos I'm,
Not and animal,
I won't ferret out no hole,
Not an animal,
Now somebody's putting me to sleep,
Just like an animal.
Give 'em your sons and daughters,
And they'll draw a bullseye on 'em,
Breast-fed Red Bull 'till they're invincible,
And when they go insane,
Sons of bitches,
We'll grow 'em new brains in petri dishes,
I threw my phone away the day I got it,
Or I'd have to go around with a paper bag on it,
Tax my bedroom 'till it's a show room,
And guess what,
I'm not happy.
I might be a chicken but I'm,
Not an animal,
Don't put my body on the line cos I'm,
Not and animal,
I won't ferret out no hole,
Not an animal,
Now somebody's putting me to sleep,
Just like an animal.
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5. |
Work's Do
02:56
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5) Work's Do
We got Corona and humous,
It's all going on the business card,
The biggest night on our calendars,
So let's pretend that we're friends and hit the bar,
Heads down in the cubicle,
You gotta start as you mean to go on,
Don't get caught with your pants down,
Three's-up and blood shot,
It's really not a good look.
Work's Do!
I don't want a chicken dinner,
I don't want the conversation,
Don't wanna be in your selfie,
And don't upload it to show your children.
Business and pleasure,
I should've known they wouldn't mix,
I'd love to come for a boogie,
But I'd have to be invisible to dance to this.
Outside if you want some agro,
A row of tits and the pheromones flow,
Get you face rearranged for Christmas,
Cos Secret Santa's got nothing for you.
Let's get another round,
Move onto town,
Whatever it takes to wipe this from my mind,
We'll be mingling round the photocopier again on Monday morning.
Just another no-hoper,
With your life in front of you,
You got your tie around your head and,
You're off into the jungle like Rambo.
Girl you're gonna go far,
I bet you'd make your daddy proud,
Spread eagle on the rodeo bull,
Get your stomach pumped by a Jaager bomb.
Outside if you want some agro,
A row of tits and the pheromones flow,
Get you face rearranged for Christmas,
Cos Secret Santa's got nothing for you,
Let's get another round,
Move onto town,
Whatever it takes to wipe this from my mind,
We'll be mingling round the photocopier again on Monday morning.
Work's Do! Work's Do!
You know you've got no excuse.
Work's Do! Work's Do!
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6. |
I Was A C-U-N-T
03:30
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6) I Was A C-U-N-T
I took your life's work and ground it into the dirt,
Then I went and passed the buck 'cos I was a cunt,
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I smiled from ear to ear
'Cos there was no remorse in here,
I made your feelings disappear,
When they were stronger than ever,
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I went too far and slagged you off for shit that I see,
In the mirror I killed off your character,
You got a face liked a slapped arse,
On a text message blunder,
I wouldn't hold your breath if you,
Expect me to come good for you.
I had no presence of mind
To realise this diatribe,
Would be so ugly on the outside
But you're gonna see it someday, someday,
I know I forgot we'd met,
I'm glad you pulled me up on it,
This drink it is so talkative
Perhaps you could excuse it,
I was just lonely, lonely
I went too far and slagged you off for shit that I see,
In the mirror I killed off your character,
You got a face liked a slapped arse,
On a text message blunder
I wouldn't hold your breath if you,
Expect me to come good for you.
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7. |
Oh I Would Do Something
03:19
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7) Oh I Would Do Something
If there was a law in place that had you living in a cage,
'Cos a man in a pointy hat said that was that.
I'd reduce those walls to a pile of materials,
Break the chains and rip the tape off your mouth.
These vulgar beings will ill meaning,
Sucking me into some faustian dystopian lesser of two evils,
I'd reduce the constitution to a bowl of pulp,
And play with it's constitution 'til it resembled something reasonable.
If I couldn't keep you safe I'd so something about it,
If I couldn't keep you safe…
Last bastion of sanity,
The only thing you ever hung onto that was real was your mother's milk,
Don't let 'em dangle a carrot of some cardinal sin,
Just be yourself while they record the conversation,
I'd kiss your face if you had the plague,
'Cos if I had to dig your grave,
Then I'd have to dig another for me anyway,
Don't think thrice if the second time's not nice,
You could hide out with me even if you'd killed somebody
If I couldn't keep you safe I'd so something about it,
If I couldn't keep you safe I'd fucking so something,
If I couldn't keep you safe…
If there was a law in place that had you living in a cage,
Living in a cage, 'cos there was a law in place.
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8. |
Lovely Domestic Bliss
03:24
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8) Lovely Domestic Bliss
I woke up this morning,
And it occurred to me,
This place could use some flowers,
And a pot of rooibus tea,
I got emasculated,
I'm all fluffy like a Bichon Frise,
Got all the time in the world to waste,
If you need me.
This is lovely, this is domestic, Bliss,
This is lovely, this is domestic, Bliss,
This is lovely, this is domestic, Bliss,
I only wanted a paradigm shift but it came to this
We're talking moisturiser,
Fifteen minute meals from Jamie,
Looking forward to the training day,
'Cos all my friends are my colleagues
I can talk to children,
I understand the washing regime,
And don't say I don't know my place,
Now that I've quit smoking the weed
This is lovely, this is domestic, Bliss,
This is lovely, this is domestic, Bliss,
This is lovely, this is domestic, Bliss,
I only wanted a paradigm shift but it came to this
I got the keys to a four door saloon
I know a thing or two about essential oils
Routine, routine, routine, routine.
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9. |
Guillotine
04:44
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9) Guillotine
You just gotta keep on keeping on,
You might top yourself if you think too long,
Baby if it all gets too mundane,
You better get yourself a computer game.
I got a cleaner from Lithuania,
I started classes in pilates,
I'm a dad-rock god tearing up the kitchen,
Get on the treadmill.
You gotta wait your turn for the guillotine,
Smile like a donut to live your dream,
Get a 2-1 in biology,
Go back to where you came from and wait for reality,
Wait for it to set in.
I used to be so cool,
Now I'm so very uncool,
How am I gonna turn this around,
Well soon I'll be very cool in the ground.
I've been looking for some action,
But all I found was Nicorettes and Calpol,
I'm in love with Simon Cowell,
Get off my treadmill.
You gotta wait your turn for the guillotine,
Smile like a donut to live your dream,
Get a 2-1 in biology,
Go back to where you came from and wait for reality.
I see a red wall and I wanna paint it white,
Wishing all the lingerie would come to life,
I got a benefit in kind today,
Now I gotta pay for it hooray,
Hooray.
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10. |
Lawnmower
06:11
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10) Lawnmower
The weeks go up to fifty two and then go back to number one,
Just like it never happened,
We get baptised with soya late every day and talk about those fundamentalist crazies,
These office exercises won't stop us dying at our desks,
Crappy nappy I feel happy,
Now that all the cleaning products are out of reach.
Don't forget the two stroke oil,
Just keep it in a straight line now boy.
My lawnmower,
It's all over.
I take a cricket bat to that house fly,
Until my whole world's destroyed oh why d'you have to ruin me?
I got pond weed coming outta my sleeves,
The water's so murky all the fish have got insurance policies so,
Separate your waste or George and Peppa won't have a place left to call home,
And when the question comes,
"Daddy, when you die what happens?"
I'm afraid to say it,
It's nothing, just and eternal hum.
Don't' forget the two stroke oil,
Just keep it in a straight line now boy.
My lawnmower,
It's all over.
Flick flick fluorescent strip,
Cheap kettle and a miniature fridge,
Hole punch avalanche cascade on the floor like a metaphor.
Cold sausage rolls,
Unbranded ketchup down my clothes,
I got kudos for photocopying my arsehole.
My lawnmower,
It's all over.
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Guide Dog Wales, UK
Guide Dog are Peter Roberts (Guitar, Vocals), John Maloney (Drums) and Ian Russell (Bass).
All or some or one
of which were formerly members of Robots In The Sky, Tetra Splendour, People In Planes an Cold Specks.
Currently launching debut 'domestic-sponge-grunge' record entitled 'Lovely Domestic Bliss' on Hi-Vis Records.
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